hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
