new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
