I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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