his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
