You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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