so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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