Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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