Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
