Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
