I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
