i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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