I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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