i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
