I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
