glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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