He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
