How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
