also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
