Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
