I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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