I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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