How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
