a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
