A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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