my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
