Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
