also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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