She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
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We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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