I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
