Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
