You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you will always have a special place in my vag
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
