Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize