I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
