Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
