Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize