The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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