girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
