Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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