I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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