If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
