I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
