whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize