Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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