Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't deserve a penis
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
