something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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