PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
