You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
