Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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