honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
