i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
