There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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