I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
