But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
