its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
