Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize