I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
