I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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