why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
